


Mr Sweetness

by velvetjinx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, FBI Agent Bucky Barnes, Fluff, Inspired by a Movie, M/M, Pining, Shameless Smut, Shrunkyclunks, big dick bucky barnes, i told y’all this would be the year of romcom aus, okay Mr Gay USA is a made up pageant but it should totally be a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 08:24:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13677948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetjinx/pseuds/velvetjinx
Summary: FBI Agent Bucky Barnes is tasked with going undercover at the Mr Gay USA pageant to stop HYDRA. But is there more to the operation than meets the eye?





	Mr Sweetness

**Author's Note:**

> AKA the Miss Congeniality AU that no one asked for.
> 
> Many thanks to ediblecrayon for the read over and the CapRBB slack chat for cheerleading.
> 
> Happy V day, have some fic. XD

Special Agent James Buchanan Barnes, known to everyone as Bucky, sat quietly reading a book in the Greek restaurant. Except, of course, it wasn’t a real book. He was undercover, and the book was actually a camera. The team were in a van outside, as they waited on a Greek arms dealer named Dimitriadis to arrive and swap a lot of money for a very powerful weapon. 

“Any sign of him?” the office’s golden boy, Brent Smith, asked in Bucky’s ear.

Bucky lowered his head to his book and murmured, “Not yet… wait, I think that’s him coming in the door.”

A tall, portly man walked up to the table with the contacts, and Bucky held the camera on them as he ate some hummus and pita bread. The men exchanged briefcases, and Brent laughed in Bucky’s ear.

“We got it, let’s move!”

As the other agents burst in the door, Bucky drew his gun, pointing it at the men, and shouting at them to drop their weapons in Greek. Dimitriadis nonchalantly popped a piece of pepper in his mouth… then his eyes widened as he began to choke. 

“No one move!” Bucky’s boss, AD Wheeler, yelled. 

“Sir, I think he’s choking, sir!” Bucky yelled back. 

“Barnes, you stay there, do you hear?”

“Sir, he looks like he’s dying!”

“I said hold your position!”

Bucky watched for a moment as the arms dealer’s face became increasingly purple, and couldn’t hold back any more. He dashed forward, performing the heimlich maneuver on the man, and the piece of pepper popped out. Before Bucky had time to take a step back, Dimitriadis had turned and grabbed him, holding a knife up to Bucky’s throat. There was some gunfire, and Bucky stomped on the Dimitriadis’s foot, elbowed him in the solar plexus, punched him in the nose and then kneed him in the groin. The arms dealer went down hard, and Bucky cuffed him, cursing at him. 

When he looked up, he saw one of the agents, Lewis Harding, on the ground, bleeding from his shoulder, and realized that this was his fault. He felt unbelievably shitty. 

As they all trooped outside, Bucky found himself walking next to Brent. “It’s all my fault,” Bucky said quietly. “If I hadn’t tried to save Dimitriadis, Harding wouldn’t have been shot.”

“Yeah, well, everybody screws up,” Brent said, and Bucky wondered if that was supposed to make him feel better. “Now go home and get cleaned up. You look like hell.”

Bucky stopped dead in his tracks as Brent walked towards the van. He’d been nursing a crush on Brent for a couple of years now, and to be dismissed like that really stung. He sighed and headed for his car, driving home in a funk. Everything always seemed to go wrong for him.

When he got home, he figured he needed some relaxation therapy, and taped up his hands before going a few rounds with his punch bag. The harder he hit it, the better he felt, until he realized that his hands were starting to hurt. He stopped, and went to the kitchen to make himself a microwave meal for one. Re-tying his hair into a bun, he glanced in the mirror as he passed, frowned at his reflection, and carried on. He didn’t know why he bothered with mirrors, frankly. They just reminded him how stupid he looked.

***

The following day, the team was called into a briefing by AD Wheeler. Bucky sidled into the room five minutes late with everyone’s Starbucks order, and distributed the coffees and pastries quietly before looking up to the front of the room and swallowing hard. There, standing next to AD Wheeler, was Captain fucking America. Captain America was looking at Bucky curiously, and Bucky slid into his seat, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“Are we all here?” AD Wheeler asked, his tone sarcastic. Everyone quietened down and faced the front of the room. “Good. Okay. First of all, you’ll all be pleased to know that Agent Harding is going to be fine. It was just a flesh wound, and he should be back with us in a few weeks.” Bucky heaved a sigh of relief. At least Harding wasn’t going to be permanently hurt. “Now, Mr Rogers here has come to the FBI with a case that the Avengers need our assistance on. Mr Rogers, you have the room.”

Captain America walked forward a few steps. “Thank you, Assistant Director. Hey everyone. I’m Steve, and as the Assistant Director said, the Avengers need your help.” He clicked the clicker in his hand, and on the screen behind him appeared a letter. “We received this letter yesterday, and it was signed from HYDRA. They intend to attack the Mr Gay USA pageant, although for what purpose we have yet to determine. For this reason, we need a man on the inside, but unfortunately, all of the Avengers are too recognizable to go undercover. That’s where you come in. We need a FBI team to assist us, and someone to volunteer to go undercover to the pageant as a contestant. Don’t answer now, but once the team is together we can discuss the best candidate. Thank you.”

Captain America stepped back, and AD Wheeler stepped forward again. “Thank you, Mr Rogers. Okay, Agent Smith, I want you to head up the team. Dismissed.”

As they filed out, Bucky walked up to the AD. “Um, sir, I really think I could be an asset on the team…” he began, trailing off when he saw the look on the AD’s face. 

“Frankly, Barnes, you’re lucky you still have a job. You’ll be on desk duty until further notice. Now get back to your desk and file your paperwork before I change my mind about you having a job.”

Bucky nodded and dragged himself back to his desk. This was so typical. His one chance to work with Captain America and he wasn’t even allowed on the team.

***

A couple of hours later, as Bucky worked on his paperwork, someone cleared their throat behind him. He turned around to see Brent standing there, grinning.

“Hey, Barnes. So uh. How do you feel about going undercover at the pageant as a contestant?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Are you kidding, Brent? I wouldn’t know the first thing about primping and preening for that kind of thing. I don’t even own a hairbrush.”

“Is any of that supposed to surprise me? Look, you’re the only gay man on staff who isn’t already tied up on a case. And we need this to be convincing.”

“You think I can be convincing,” Bucky asked flatly. 

“Well, Captain America agreed, so yeah.”

Bucky felt his heart flutter in his chest. Captain America agreed that he could go undercover in a pageant? “Okay, say I did this. Would I have to wear the bathing suit?”

“Yup,” Brent replied with a grin.

“Ugh.”

“You wanna be stuck behind this desk for the next six months?”

Bucky sighed. “No. Fine, I’ll do it.”

Brent grinned even wider. “You won’t regret it,” he said as he walked away.

“I already do!” Bucky called after him. Shit. What had he agreed to do?

***

First things first, they had to get the Pageant’s permission. Luckily the Mr New York contestant had been disqualified due to his appearance in an adult movie, so there was a space for Bucky to slip into. 

He, Brent, and Captain America went to the pageant headquarters to speak to the heads of the pageant, a Tom Holly and Sandra Ashwell. They were shocked to hear about the threat to the pageant. 

“Oh my god, someone is actually threatening our little pageant?” Tom asked, clutching his chest.

“I’m afraid so, sir,” Brent replied. “We’d like to put someone undercover as a contestant, and we’d need your help with the judging to get them through to the semi-finals.”

“That doesn’t seem exactly fair to the other guys,” Sandra said slowly.

“Well, ma’am, neither is getting blown up or whatever.” Brent sighed. “We wouldn’t ask if there was any other way.”

“And who would you want to put into the pageant as Mr New York?” Tom asked.

Bucky slowly raised his hand, and Tom and Sandra stared at him.

“Tell me you have a good pageant coach,” Sandra said weakly.

“The best, ma’am,” Captain America reassured her. Bucky wondered who they’d found.

“I sure hope they’re the best,” Tom said, wide eyed. “You sure are a bit of a fixer-upper, huh, hon?”

Bucky flushed, and Captain America squeezed his arm reassuringly. “We are confident that we can turn Agent Barnes into the perfect contestant by the time the contest starts.”

“Okay, well, I guess we’d better agree. We wouldn’t want our boys to get blown up,” Tom said.

“Especially without their knowledge,” Sandra added, and Brent cleared his throat.

“Thank you.”

They all shook hands, and as they left Brent turned to Captain America. “So who is this perfect pageant coach?” he asked.

“Pepper Potts,” Captain America replied, grinning. “Come on. We only have 24 hours.”

They flew Bucky and the team out to Boston, where the pageant was being held that year. When they arrived at the airport, they were led to a hanger, full of busy cosmeticians. Pepper Potts met them at the door, and she raised an eyebrow when she saw Bucky. 

“Well, I certainly see potential,” she said with a smile, leading Bucky into the hanger by the arm. “Okay, first: teeth and hair.”

“Teeth? What’s wrong with my teeth?” Bucky asked, suddenly afraid.

“Just a cleaning to make them sparkle. Don’t worry.”

It turned out that ‘beauty is pain’ wasn’t a metaphor. Bucky was poked, prodded, brushed, and waxed within an inch of his life. They left some chest hair, thank god, but the Brazilian wax was the most painful thing Bucky had ever experienced. They even trimmed what was left, which was enormously embarrassing. Luckily he’d been allowed to put his junk in a little pouch, so he wasn’t completely exposed.

When they were done torturing him, they put some makeup on him—not much, Pepper explained, just enough to bring out his features—and when they were finished and Bucky was dressed, he looked in the mirror and gasped. He barely recognized himself. He was… well, he looked kinda handsome. His stubble was now designer rather than ‘couldn’t be bothered to shave’, his hair was brushed and shiny as it fell down to his shoulders, his clothes fit in a way he couldn’t have imagined, and Pepper had coached him on how to walk tall. He felt like a million dollars.

When he left the hanger, he saw Captain America staring at him, and even Brent took off his sunglasses to gawk at him. Bucky set his shoulders back and walked just like Pepper had taught him towards the other car. He slid in, and Captain America got in beside him.

“You look amazing,” Captain America murmured, and Bucky blushed.

“Thanks.”

Pepper got in beside them, leaning over to murmur in Captain America’s ear, “So, am I a miracle worker or what?”

Bucky frowned. He wondered if Brent thought the same. He knew his appearance maybe hadn’t been showing off his best assets before, but surely someone who liked him wouldn’t just care about appearances? He sighed, and Captain America turned to him, concerned.

“You okay, Agent Barnes? Sorry, I should probably call you Dayton, shouldn’t I? Wouldn’t want to blow your cover.”

Bucky smiled wanly. Dayton White was his undercover identity. “Yeah, Captain, I’m fine.”

Captain America frowned. “Hey, call me Steve. I’m not just, you know. Him.”

Bucky looked at Steve curiously, but shrugged shyly. “Okay… Steve,” he said, and Steve grinned. “So what’s your excuse for being at the pageant?”

“What, I’m not allowed to attend one of these things?”

“Mr Gay USA,” Bucky said flatly.

Steve smirked. “Doesn’t everyone know I’m bi by now? Honestly, you’d think with social media keeping that quiet would have been impossible.”

Bucky’s mouth went dry. Captain America was bi? “Um, I don’t use social media much,” he confessed. 

“Huh. Well, now you know my deep, dark secret, wanna tell me one of yours?” Steve murmured, and Bucky squirmed.

“I don’t… I mean, I…” he stammered, and Steve laughed.

“Hey, I’m just kidding. Oh, look, here we are.” Bucky and Pepper got out the cab, but Steve grabbed Bucky’s hand before he could close the door. “I’ll see you later, okay?” Steve said, his tone a promise, and Bucky squeaked, pulling away. 

He grabbed the bags and followed Pepper up to her room. “We’ll keep everything but that suitcase in here,” she told him, pointing to one of the smaller bags. “But I’ll show you what you’ve to wear and where.” She put the suitcase on the bed and took him through the different outfits. “Now don’t forget to brush your hair 100 strokes every morning and every night,” she said. “You have gorgeous hair, but it was a mess of tangles when we were making you over. You can’t let it get into that state again if you’re going to be Mr Gay New York, or if you’re going to win this pageant.”

“I’m not in it to win it,” Bucky said with a sigh. “Besides, I doubt I could even if I tried.”

“And why not?” Pepper chided him. “You’re gorgeous. You have a great body. And you’re smart—I’ve seen your file. You’re going to wow them all.”

“I’m not that attractive,” Bucky replied, shrugging. “And yeah, okay, I work out, but…”

Pepper narrowed her eyes and marched Bucky in front of the full length mirror in the corner. “Look at yourself,” she demanded, and Bucky did. “Look at those gorgeous blue eyes, those fantastic eyelashes, those high cheekbones, your sharp jawline, those full lips. You’re stunning, Bucky. I know there are a few people whose heads you’ve turned.”

“Yeah, since you made me look like a Ken doll,” Bucky said bitterly.

“You really think that? You really think that no one could have been attracted to you before?” Pepper sighed. “There is only so much I can do. Your self esteem you have to find on your own.”

Bucky listened patiently as she took him through the different Stark Tech listening and surveillance devices he’d be using, then looked at him gently. “Go on, you’d better go. I’ll drop this suitcase off in your room. You’ve gotta go meet the other guys and go to the opening breakfast.”

Bucky nodded and went downstairs, where there was a coach waiting for all participants. He tried to remember what Pepper had said about walking, and held his shoulders back, walking tall. He noticed some appreciative looks from the other contestants, and tried not to stare back. These guys were seriously hot. How the hell was he supposed to compete with some of them?

As he got on the coach and he looked around for a seat, he heard a voice calling, “Mr New York! Hey, New York, over here!” He looked over to see an attractive guy waving him over and patting the seat beside him. “Hey, New York, I thought that was you! I've memorized all 49 guys from the booklet, names and faces. I knew it was you, though, because your picture wasn’t in the booklet. I’m Mr Rhode Island, but you can call me Alex.” Bucky shook his hand. “So it’s Dayton, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” Bucky replied. “Dayton White.”

“Isn’t this an awesome opportunity?” Alex gushed. “I’m so excited about the competition. It’s such a good chance to raise awareness for our special interests and charities and things. And such a good opportunity to meet guys from around the country and exchange experiences!”

“Uh, yeah? I guess it is.”

Alex looked at Bucky sympathetically. “Aww, Dayton, are you shy? Don’t worry, everyone has been pretty friendly. So far, anyway. I assume that later in the competition the claws will come out!” He laughed, and Bucky couldn’t help but laugh along with him. 

When they arrived at the breakfast, they went in and found their seats. Bucky was sitting next to Alex and Mr Texas, who introduced himself as Blake. As they all got settled, Sandra got up and spoke about the competition, cracking jokes and making Bucky smile. 

“Now,” Sandra added, face falling, “I must tell you all that this will be my last time MCing the Mr Gay USA pageant.” She paused while the room made various noises of shock and sadness. Blake leaned over to Bucky and Alex. 

“She’s not leaving,” Blake said quietly. “I saw her outside, the poor woman blurted the whole thing out. They want a younger, hotter girl to present, so the network actually fired her!”

Bucky coughed subtly, and heard Brent in his ear. “Yeah, we got that.” This could definitely turn out to be an interesting lead, if HYDRA were using her to get to the contestants.

Sandra left the podium, and Tom got up. He spoke about the importance of the scholarship program, and how he hoped all the guys would do their best and bring pride to their respective states. He had won the pageant a few years ago, he told them (although they all knew this already), and it had changed his life in ways he couldn’t have imagined.

As everyone applauded, Bucky turned back to his breakfast, starving. He hadn’t eaten anything for about 24 hours and his stomach pretty much thought his throat had been cut. 

***

After breakfast, the guys were taken to dance training, to learn a routine they would perform on the night of the main show. Bucky couldn’t understand how the other guys were picking it up so quickly—he kept turning the wrong way, or at the wrong time, or not waving his arms when he was supposed to. Slowly but surely, though, it got easier, until he found himself in perfect sync with the others. 

By the time they had finished, he was pretty sure he’d got it. They got taken from there back to the hotel, where they would shower before dinner. Preliminaries started the next day, and they were all to go to bed early in order to be refreshed for the start of the competition. 

That night, Bucky snuggled under the covers, ready to sleep, when there was a tap at the French door that led to the pool. Bucky groaned softly, getting up quietly so as not to wake his roommate, Blake. He opened the curtain and looked out to see Brent.

“What is it?” he whispered once the door was open.

“Pepper wants to see you. Your training isn’t finished.”

“Ugh, fine. You owe me so many donuts after this,” Bucky muttered, following Brent to one of the rooms in the hotel they were using for the pageant.

Pepper greeted him brightly. “How are you doing, Bucky?”

“Tired. Hungry. Is this going to take long?”

Pepper smiled. “It’ll take as long as it takes. I’ve got some practice questions for you, and then you can show me your talent.”

“Uh. Talent?” Bucky asked, nonplussed.

Pepper stared at him. “Yes? You need a talent! You don’t have a talent?”

Bucky shrugged. “I mean, there is something I know how to do?”

***

The following day, the preliminaries began. They were held outside, in the Boston Public Garden, and Bucky watched, getting increasingly nervous, as the other contestants took their turn. He was up last, and he climbed up onto the stage in a waiter’s outfit, much to the amusement of the crowd. 

He pulled the table of water glasses towards him, and began to play. He could see Brent in the audience, staring in disbelief; Pepper, shaking her head; Steve, looking weirdly enraptured. He heard the band join in behind him, and smiled. 

Just then, he noticed a guy at the front of the stage pull what looked like a gun from his pocket. With no time to notify the team, Bucky leapt off the stage onto the man, flattening him. He picked up the gun—

—only to discover that it was, in fact, a novelty lighter. He stammered out an apology to the man, who was cursing a blue streak at Bucky. 

It was a PR nightmare. Bucky was interviewed by a local news station, and told them that he had strong feelings about smoking, and maybe the man would think twice now before lighting up. It was a farce. 

“I thought it was a gun!” he told Brent later, and Brent laughed hollowly. 

“Yeah, well, AD Wheeler caught your little stage dive and he’s on his way up here so. You know. Thanks for that. Oh, plus, Tom is pissed and thinks that you’re making light of the competition. So we’ve had to appease him too.” Brent sighed. “Just… go. Pepper wants to see you, anyway.”

Steve followed him out the room. “Hey, uh, Dayton?” he said slowly, and Bucky whirled around to face him.

“Are you gonna chew me out too?” Bucky asked snidely.

Steve shook his head. “I wanted to say that I thought that was really brave of you, what you did. If that had been a real gun you could have been badly hurt, but you would have saved a lot of people.”

“Oh.” Bucky blushed. “Thanks, Steve.”

“And hey, don’t listen to Brent. He’s just pissed that he’s not as much of a hero as you are.”

“He’s our office’s golden boy,” Bucky said ruefully.

“Yeah, well, I don’t think he’s half the agent you are.” Steve smiled at him. “Come on. I’ll walk you down to meet Pepper.”

As they walked, Bucky cast about for a conversation topic, but came up blank. As the silence stretched on, Steve glanced at him.

“So, uh, your talent was really cute,” Steve said quietly.

“You think so?”

“Yeah.” Steve smiled at him, and Bucky’s heart skipped a beat. He chided himself; the way to get over one unrequited crush wasn’t to form another one. But Steve was so nice, and so attractive, and so attentive, that Bucky couldn’t help it.

“So, um. Who do you think is gonna win?” Bucky asked.

Steve’s smile softened. “Well, I know one guy who I think has a pretty good chance,” he said, bumping his shoulder against Bucky’s, and Bucky blushed. “Anyway, here’s Pepper’s room. I’ll see you later?”

Bucky nodded, and knocked, before going into Pepper’s room and leaving Steve standing outside.

***

The practice with Pepper did not go well, and Bucky ended up having a hissy fit and marching out in a snit. As he passed the outdoor pool on his way to the room, he saw Brent doing laps and threw a ball that was next to the pool at his head. 

Brent paused halfway up the pool and looked up. “What’s up?”

“I quit. I can’t do this.”

“Oh come on, Barnes, we need you here!”

“Yeah, right.”

“You know we need someone undercover.”

Bucky snorted. “Yeah, someone you chose because there was no one else.”

“You really think that was why you were chosen? It was maybe one of the reasons the AD let us choose you, but really it was because Captain America thought you’d do good.”

Bucky froze. “Steve?”

“Yeah, for some reason he thought you’d be great on this mission. And if you quit now the whole mission is blown, and this is my first time taking point. Please, Barnes.”

“Oh.” Bucky ignored the part where Brent was a self-serving ass and focused on the part where Steve had faith in him. Had faith in him even when he didn’t look like he’d come off of the pages of a magazine.

“So come on. Please don’t let us down.”

“I’ll try,” Bucky said quietly. “I mean, I might, but I’ll… try not to.”

Brent nodded. “Okay. You’d better go get some sleep.”

“Okay.” Bucky went into his room, feeling like he was walking on air. Steve believed in him. He could do anything.

***

The following day was the bathing suit competition, and Bucky was dreading it. He came out the changing room, towel wrapped around himself, to where Pepper was waiting. 

“I cannot believe you’re making me do this!” he whispered. “I haven’t been this naked since I came out the womb!”

“Dayton…” Pepper said patiently, as Mr Alabama walked past in shorts. 

“Okay, how come Alabama gets to wear shorts and I have to wear _this_? I feel really… exposed.” 

Pepper sighed. “Turn around.” 

Bucky did so, and Pepper picked up some hairspray. “Oh, good, hairspray, something I recogn—wow!” Bucky cried out as she sprayed his ass. “What the hell?”

“It stops your speedo from riding up,” Pepper told him.

“Up? Up _where_?”

“Just… up!” Bucky shuddered, and Pepper gave him a long look. “Take off the towel.”

“No.”

“Dayton, if you can’t take off the towel in here, how are you going to stand in front of all those people? Just… take the towel off.”

Bucky sighed, and took off the towel. Pepper’s eyes widened, and she looked up and around, finally settling her gaze uncomfortably on Bucky’s face. 

“What?” Bucky asked.

“You, uh, you certainly fill those out well. I mean! Um.”

Bucky whimpered, pulling the towel back around himself. “I look ridiculous, don’t I.”

“Dayton, I think you stand a good chance of winning on this round alone. My god.”

The guys were called out to start lining up to go on stage, and Bucky wailed. “I can’t do this!”

“It’s fine,” Pepper said. “Take deep breaths, calm down, think of the Dalai Lama, and… go.” She whipped the towel off him and pushed him onto the stage, and he took his position, waiting to be called. The deep breathing actually helped, although he couldn’t help but giggle nervously when he was called up to the front podium. As he stepped up, the crowd went absolutely wild. Bucky watched in surprise as many of the audience stood up, clapping and whistling, and he blushed, before stepping off as the next contestant was called. 

As Pepper helped him into his suit, she smiled at him. “Told you you’d be a hit,” she said quietly, and Bucky blushed.

The next section was the question and answer session, and when it was Bucky’s turn he stepped up nervously. He answered the first two fine, and then was asked ‘what is the most important issue to you?’ Everyone else had chosen world peace.

Bucky smiled, and said into the microphone, “That would be tighter gun control for parole violators, Tom.” There was silence in the auditorium, and he quickly added, “And… world peace!” The crowd went wild again, and Bucky smiled, waving to the crowd, before going back offstage where Brent was waiting. 

“Hey, check out these photos,” Brent said quietly, handing them to Bucky. “Your friend Alex there protested with groups who are on our watch list as having extremist views.”

The photographs were of Alex, holding up a sign which said, “NO FUR NO WAY”. Bucky looked through them as Alex was on stage, being asked about his perfect date.

“April 23rd,” Alex replied, smiling, “because it’s not too hot, and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket!”

Bucky gave Brent a hard look. “That Alex. You think _that_ Alex could be behind this.”

“You never know. Why don’t you invite him out for drinks, you know. Guy talk.”

“Guy talk?” Bucky looked at Brent, aghast. 

“Yeah, you know. Cute guys, mani-pedis, whatever.”

Bucky sighed. “Fine, but take this.” He took out his comm device and handed it to Brent.

“Why are you taking that out?”

“Because I can’t talk guy talk with the FBI in my head. I can’t talk guy talk with _me_ in my head. Look, I’ll do my best, okay?” he added quickly when Brent opened his mouth to talk. “But I seriously think you’re barking up the wrong tree.”

He walked away, shaking his head. Guy talk. He could totally do this.

***

That evening, he bought a big gooey pizza and some lite beer, and took them into the gym area where some of the guys were working out. They stared at Bucky when he came in, but Bucky was on a mission. Alex was sitting on a step, arms around his knees, looking dejected. 

“Hey, Alex,” Bucky said quietly. “How are you doing?”

Alex sighed. “Did you hear me out there? I totally bombed. I sounded like an idiot. And I had such a great answer to that question too.”

“I’ll bet you did, but your answer was cute. You didn’t sound like an idiot. It was endearing,” Bucky told him, nudging Alex’s shoulder with his own.

“You think?”

“I do. Come on, have some pizza and beer and some, you know, guy talk.”

He opened the pizza box, and the smell of melted cheese and pepperoni filled the room. 

“I-I can’t!” Alex protested. “My diet!”

“Don’t do it, Alex,” Blake warned him. 

“No takers?” Bucky asked, and all the guys shook their heads. “Oh well, I guess I’ll just sit here and enjoy my big, cheesy, tasty pizza.”

Alex frowned, then tentatively reached forward, taking a slice. As soon as he bit into it and made yummy noises, the other guys flocked around, emboldened by Alex’s bravery and grabbing slices of their own. Bucky grinned to himself. So far so good.

They ended up finishing the beers and heading out to a bar, drinking a ridiculous number of beers and test tube shots. While the other guys went down to dance, Alex and Bucky stayed up at their table, drinking and laughing. 

“I can’t believe how we’re breaking all the rules!” Alex said, giggling as he downed another shot.

“I know, right? Speaking of breaking the rules, have you ever done anything, you know, like, illegal?” _Smooth, Bucky_ , he thought to himself, but Alex looked thoughtful.

“Yes,” he said eventually, looking guilty.

“Go on,” Bucky said encouragingly.

“I… I once stole panties from a department store. It was before I came out, and they were red and lacy and gorgeous, and my parents would have killed me if I had bought them because they were really conservative. We don’t, uh, speak so much any more. But yeah. I stole panties.”

“Wow,” Bucky said, laughing slightly. “That’s really cute.”

Alex blushed. “Oh, yeah, and then there was that thing with my lit professor.” Bucky looked at him curiously. “So one day he calls me into his office because he said he wanted to discuss a paper? Well, he didn’t want to discuss a paper, right? Anyway, he attacked me.”

Alex took a sip of his drink as Bucky looked at him, appalled. “What? Alex, did you ever report him?”

“Nah,” Alex replied, shaking his head. “I know that kind of thing happens all the time.”

“No, Alex, it doesn’t. My god, I could show you so many ways to defend yourself—”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Stand up.” They stood, and as Bucky was about to start, Alex swayed in place and passed out, much to the surprise of the other guys who had just returned.

They carried Alex to the bathroom and sat him on the sinks, dabbing him with a soaked towel.

“Oh my god, he’s so trashed,” Clive, Mr Georgia, said, laughing. “Tom would pitch a fit if he saw us right now.”

“Oh, he’s got a bee up his butt about something,” Mr Florida, Peter, said, shaking his head.

“Oh, guys, didn’t you hear?” Blake lowered his voice. “It’s not just Sandra the network are getting rid of. I overheard him talking on the phone—they’re firing him too!”

“Yeah, I guess he never did get over those rumors,” Clive said.

“Rumors?” Bucky asked, ears pricking up.

“Yeah, the year he won? He was runner up. Until the winner came down with a mystery stomach illness. Then he got the crown.”

“Plus his assistant Julian is really creepy,” Peter said, and everyone nodded in agreement. 

***

When they got back to the hotel, Bucky went straight to the room that the FBI team were using as a base. He was aware that he didn’t look his best, covered in glow in the dark paint from the club, but he had to give this intel.

However, when he got there, AD Wheeler was there, and he glared at Bucky when he came in. “Where have you been, Agent Barnes?” he barked. 

“Following a lead, sir,” Bucky replied, “but I think we’ve got it all wrong.” He looked around, and noticed that they were packing up. “Sir, why is the team packing up?”

“The case is over. We found the nearest HYDRA base and arrested everyone there. Show is over. Pack your stuff.”

“No, sir, I have reason to believe that it wasn’t HYDRA at all.”

“What do you mean, Bucky?” Steve asked. Bucky hadn’t even realized that he was in the room.

“Look, Tom is getting fired and he’s really mad about it. Plus apparently he only got crowned because the winner that year came down with a mystery illness! How bizarro is that?”

“‘Bizarro’? Agent Barnes, we are leaving. Once again, pack your stuff. I won’t ask you again.”

“Sir, permission to stay behind with a small contingent of agents.”

“Denied.”

“Then permission to stay behind alone.”

AD Wheeler glared at him even harder. “If you stay behind, you hand in your badge and gun and stay as a private citizen.”

Bucky swallowed, and handed in his badge and gun. “Then I guess I’ll see you guys later.” He marched out of the room, and was half way down the hallway when he heard Steve calling his name. “Steve, I—” he began, but Steve shook his head.

“You really think it’s this Tom guy?” Steve asked.

Bucky nodded. “I really do.”

“Okay. Pepper and I will stay behind with you. We’ll see this through to the very end.” Steve smiled at him, and Bucky swallowed hard.

“Why would you do that?”

“I trust your instincts,” Steve said simply. “Now come on. I’ll walk you back to your room. You’ve got a big day tomorrow with the big show.”

***

The following morning, Bucky went through the motions during the dress rehearsal. He couldn’t believe that his team had just abandoned him like that. At least Steve believed in him. 

As they were waiting to go on stage for the big show, he spotted Julian near a metal case on the ground. As soon as Julian had wandered off, Bucky ran over and opened it, but it was only a microphone. He looked up, and realized that the contestants were all making their way onto the stage and he had almost missed his entrance.

He rushed forward, making it just in time and getting into position for their dance. He lost himself in the music, enjoying it in a way he never thought he would. When the dance was finished, they all had to take their places to hear who would be through to the final ten. He looked over, seeing Julian in the wings, and watched him curiously, completely missing his name being called. When Alex poked him in the side, he was so surprised he walked forward, waving, and immediately tripped over his own feet, falling flat on his face. But he got up, tidying his hair out of the Lady Liberty headpiece, and smiled at the audience, waving. 

The next round was questions. “So, Dayton,” Tom asked, smiling, “some people say that pageants like ours are un-modern and outdated. What would you say to those people?”

Bucky took a deep breath. “Well, Tom, I’d say I used to be one of them.” The crowd gasped. “But then I came into this competition, and met these amazing, smart, brilliant men, who I’m now proud to call my friends. I mean, we’re all secretly hoping that the others will fall flat on their faces… oh, wait, I’ve already done that!” The crowd laughed, and Bucky smiled. “But to me, this has been one of the best and most… liberating experiences of my life.”

The crowd went wild, clapping and cheering. When they had quieted down, Bucky nodded. “And if anyone tried to hurt my new friends, _Tom_ , I would hunt them down and make them suffer.” There was silence in the auditorium. “Thank you, Tom.” The audience applauded again, a little uncertainly, until Bucky smiled and waved, and the crowd cheered.

***

When he came offstage, Pepper was waiting. “Liberating, huh?” she teased, and Bucky narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t tell anyone, hmm?”

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me and the millions watching. Okay, you gotta go get changed for the talent section.”

When Bucky came back, he discovered the other contestants around his glasses table, drinking the water from the glasses. “No no no!” he cried, and realization dawned on their faces. 

“Oh god, Dayton, we’re so sorry!” Blake said, as Pepper ran up to him. 

“What happened?” 

“The guys got thirsty, I guess. Shit! Um. Okay. I need Steve.”

“Steve?” 

“Yeah, please, get him down here now?”

“Okay!”

Bucky went on stage, smiling sheepishly. “So, uh, I know it says on the program that I’m supposed to play the water glasses, but unfortunately some of the guys got a little thirsty backstage.” The crowd laughed and, emboldened, Bucky continued. “But instead, I’ve got a treat for you. So even these days, I believe that everybody, men and women, should know at least basic self defense. So I’d like to introduce to you my special guest… Captain America!”

The crowd went silent until Steve walked on stage, and then the noise was deafening. Bucky grinned at Steve and murmured, “Just go with it.” Steve nodded.

“Okay, so say your attacker comes at you in a frontal attack.” He motioned for Steve to run towards him, and as Steve neared him, Bucky’s hand shot up, heel crunching into Steve’s nose. 

“Ow!” Steve cried out, holding his nose, and Bucky winced. 

“So there you go, when your assailant runs towards you, thrust the heel of your hand upwards against their nose, causing it to break and your assailant’s eyes to tear. Now, say your assailant has hold of you from behind…” Steve came up behind him and grabbed hold of him, as Bucky tried not to move closer against him. “Now, if you find yourself in this situation, don’t forget to SING…” He elbowed Steve in the chest. “Solar plexus!” He stamped his foot on Steve’s. “Instep!” He turned in the circle of Steve’s arms and punched him in the nose. “Nose!” Finally, he smacked Steve in the crotch. “Groin! SING.” Bucky had been pulling his punches, but Steve still looked a little teary, as the whole crowd yelled and applauded. He led Steve offstage, and looked at him apologetically. “You okay, Steve? I’m really sorry, but I figured you’d be the one person who could take that.”

“It’s fine,” Steve wheezed, “but did you have to with the crotch shot?”

Bucky patted him on the shoulder. “You’ll be fine.”

Pepper looked like she was trying not to laugh. “Eveningwear time! Come on, Dayton.”

When Bucky got changed into his eveningwear, even he had to admit that he looked really fucking good. As he waited backstage, the previous year’s winner was waiting. 

“Oh gosh, where’s the crown?” Alex was asking.

“Oh, Julian took it away to get polished. Too many fingerprints, apparently,” the man laughed.

“Oh no, I wanted to rub it for luck!” Blake was pouting, and Bucky hid a grin, when it suddenly occurred to him—the crown. They were going to use the crown. 

But there was no time to communicate this to Steve or Pepper as they were ushered on stage. 

When his name was called as being in the final five, he nearly freaked out. He had done it—made it to the final five on his own merits, and he couldn’t quite believe that the judges had thought he was worth putting through. He saw Steve watching him, something like pride on his face, from the wings, and Bucky smiled wide, before trying to mime a crown at him. Steve’s eyes widened, and he nodded, saying something to Pepper before heading off backstage to, Bucky assumed, look for the crown or Julian. 

As Sandra read out the final results, you could have cut the tension with a knife. In fifth place was Mr Alabama. Then Blake, who was clearly not happy about it but managed to smile. Then Clive’s name was read out, leaving Bucky and Alex. They clasped each other’s hands nervously, waiting on the final result. 

When Alex’s name was called, the crowd roared, and Bucky hugged him. “Don’t take the crown!” he yelled in Alex’s ear, but Alex couldn’t hear him over the racket. So Bucky did what he had to do, and tried to grab the crown from Alex’s head. Security ran onto the stage, trying to subdue him, but Bucky threw them to the floor, running after Alex. Blake stepped in his way, trying to stop him, but there was no time to waste, and Bucky smacked him in the nose before continuing after Alex. Finally, he managed to get the crown from Alex’s head and threw it towards the back of the stage…

...where it exploded, taking with it a good chunk of scenery.

Alex watched the flames for a moment, before fainting against Bucky. 

***

Bucky and Steve watched as Tom and Julian were taken away in cop cars “So it turns out that they were lovers,” Steve said quietly. “It was Tom’s idea, but Julian has a lot of priors. How did you know it was in the crown?”

Bucky shrugged. “Luck. Last year’s winner said that Julian had taken the crown away to get it polished, and that tipped me off that it might be that.” He shuddered. “So scary.”

“So, uh,” Steve said, blushing. “You wanna maybe get a drink some time? You know, when all this is over and you go back to your old self…”

Bucky turned to Steve. “You mean you want to…?”

“Yeah. God, Bucky, yeah,” Steve murmured with a laugh, and pulled Bucky into a kiss. Bucky lost himself in the feel of Steve’s lips against his, uncaring of the camera flashes going off around them.

***

The local cops had taken over, so Bucky headed up to his room, but Steve grabbed his hand when he was almost there. “So, uh. You really wanna share a room with a guy you punched in the nose?” Steve asked, smiling shyly.

“Do you have another suggestion?” Bucky said coyly, and Steve kissed him again.

“I might do.”

“Well?”

“Hey Bucky, wanna come back to my room?” Steve asked, laughing.

“Yeah,” Bucky said breathlessly. “Fuck, yeah, Steve.”

They stumbled to Steve’s room, giggling all the way, and fell in the door. As soon as the door was closed behind them, Steve was kissing him again, pushing Bucky’s suit jacket from his shoulders before stepping back.

“Strip for me,” Steve said, pupils blown wide, and Bucky looked at him, surprised. 

“Yeah?” he asked, and Steve nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed. Bucky began to undo the buttons on his shirt, trying to make it a show for Steve. By the way Steve was watching him, massaging his cock through his pants, it seemed to be working. 

Bucky let the shirt fall from his shoulders, and kicked off his shoes before reaching down to his fly. 

“Wait,” Steve said. “C’mere.”

Bucky walked up to Steve, who kissed Bucky’s stomach, undoing his fly. Bucky groaned at the feel of Steve’s knuckles pressing against his hardening cock, and Steve grinned up at him, pushing Bucky’s pants down before kissing his cock through his boxers. 

“You know,” Steve said conversationally, as though his mouth wasn’t an inch from Bucky’s hard cock, “I wanted you from the first time I saw you, but I gotta say, during the bathing suit competition?” Steve looked up at him, pupils so large that there was only a thin ring of blue around it. “I would have given anything to be those speedos.”

Bucky opened his mouth to speak, but at that moment Steve began to suck at the head of his cock through the thin material of his underwear, and all that came out was a long moan. 

“What do you think, Agent Barnes?” Steve asked grinning. “You think you’re up to fucking me with that great big cock of yours?”

“Oh my god, yeah,” Bucky gasped in reply.

“You know, I think that other agent, Smith, really wanted to fuck you when you first walked out of that airplane hanger. But he couldn’t see what I saw.”

“What did you see?”

Steve stood and pulled Bucky into a soft kiss. “That you were gorgeous before. That all of that was just window dressing, and you were pretty perfect as you were.”

Bucky swallowed around a lump in his throat. “Steve, I…”

“Yeah. And what about me? Is this a Captain America thing?”

Bucky shook his head. “This is about you. Not Captain America. Just… Steve.”

Steve smiled gently and kissed him again. Bucky helped him strip down to his underwear, taking great care so Steve knew that he was cherished for himself. When they were both only in their boxers, Bucky nuzzled Steve’s neck, kissing down to his shoulder. 

“God, Bucky,” Steve gasped when Bucky bit gently at Steve’s skin. “Wanted you for so long, can’t believe we’re actually here…” 

Bucky quieted him with a kiss. “You got stuff?”

Steve nodded. “I guess I was hopeful,” he said bashfully, and Bucky grinned delightedly. They clambered onto the bed together, and Steve handed Bucky a tube of lube. Bucky noted that it was already half empty, and looked at Steve curiously. “Yeah, well, you have no idea how hot you are,” Steve said, blushing, and Bucky’s eyes widened.

“You mean you…?” he asked. Steve nodded. “Oh, fuck, Steve, that’s so hot.” He paused. “Where are the condoms?”

“Don’t need them. Supersoldier serum, remember? I can’t catch or carry anything.”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “Shit. That’s…” He leaned over and kissed Steve deeply. He shucked his own boxers, then helped Steve off with his. Bucky groaned when Steve took hold of his cock, stroking it lightly.

“Can’t wait to have this inside me,” Steve said breathlessly. “Fuck, Bucky, you’re huge.”

Bucky flushed. “You like that?”

“Oh, god, yeah,” Steve moaned. “You gonna open me up now?”

Bucky nodded, and coated his fingers in lube. Steve spread his thighs, allowing Bucky access, and Bucky pushed a finger inside Steve’s ass. He bit his lip at the feel of Steve’s muscles squeezing around the single digit, and leaned down, licking at the head of Steve’s cock as he worked a second finger inside. 

Steve moaned, and Bucky grinned. “Fuck, I love your cock, Steve,” he murmured. “You’re not exactly small either.” He sucked the head into his mouth, tonguing around the slit, and Steve’s hips came off the bed slightly. Bucky held him down with his free hand. He crooked his fingers up inside Steve’s ass as he slid his mouth down to the base of Steve’s cock, rubbing at his prostate and making him cry out loudly. 

Bucky let Steve’s cock fall from his mouth with a wet pop. “You should probably keep it down,” he said with a grin. “You’ll disturb the people next door.”

“Fuck ‘em,” Steve gasped. “I really don’t care, just keep going, oh my god, Buck!”

Bucky smirked and leaned down, taking Steve’s cock into his mouth again as he added a third finger. Steve was moaning almost constantly now, interspersed with whimpers and gasps. 

Finally, Bucky judged Steve to be ready, and carefully pulled his fingers out, reaching up to kiss Steve deeply as he slicked up his cock. “How do you want to do this?” Bucky asked against Steve’s mouth. Steve’s response was to hook his elbows behind his knees, bending himself almost double. Bucky bit his lip when he looked down and saw Steve’s hole, shiny and wet, waiting for him. He positioned himself and pushed forward, and they both groaned. 

When Bucky was fully inside, Steve whined. “Wait, hold on, give me a minute,” he managed, and Bucky held himself as still as he could. “Fuck, you’re so huge, Buck. Oh my god you feel good but Jesus,” he added with a laugh. 

Bucky reached down and began to stroke Steve’s cock teasingly, and Steve gasped. “Yeah?” Bucky asked, and Steve nodded, looking Bucky in the eyes.

“Fuck me, Bucky.”

Bucky began to move, slowly at first, just rolling his hips as Steve moved up to meet him. “Fuck, Steve,” Bucky managed. “You feel so good around my cock, oh my god.”

“Yeah? Gonna fuck me hard?” Steve asked coquettishly, and Bucky narrowed his eyes playfully.

“If that’s what you want…” Bucky began to thrust faster and harder, shifting the angle until Steve was yelping and moaning on every movement. Bucky could feel his orgasm building quickly, and tried to think of anything else, determined to make Steve come first. “Fuck, Steve, tell me you’re close,” Bucky gasped out, and Steve nodded.

“Yeah, Buck, just stroke me harder, yeah, like that, oh my god, oh fuck, fuck, I’m gonna come, you’re gonna make me come so hard, Bucky, Bucky, _Buck_!” Steve cried out, come spurting over Bucky’s hand and his own chest and stomach. There was even a little on his chin, and Bucky couldn’t help himself—he leaned down to lick it off.

He was still thrusting inside Steve, hips slapping against Steve’s ass as he got closer and closer to the edge. “Oh, fuck, Steve, gonna come,” he groaned, and Steve moaned encouragingly as Bucky’s pleasure mounted higher and higher before tipping over. His hips pressed tight against Steve as he came hard inside him with a cry.

Bucky glanced up at Steve, who was watching him with heavy lidded eyes. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous when you come,” Steve told him, and Bucky blushed.

“You’re pretty hot yourself.”

He pulled out carefully, frowning when Steve still winced. “I’m fine,” Steve reassured him. “Just a bit achey. It’s all good.”

Bucky nodded and looked down, gasping when he saw his come spilling out of Steve’s ass. “Fuck, that’s so hot,” he groaned, and Steve grinned. 

“So you maybe wanna do this again sometime?”

Bucky leaned down and kissed him. “As often as possible,” he replied, and Steve smiled.

***

The following morning, Bucky’s eyes blinked open to see Steve looking at him, a soft smile on his face. Bucky yawned wide behind his hand. “You watching me sleep, Rogers?” he mumbled, and Steve leaned in, kissing him. 

“Can’t help it. You’re so cute when you’re asleep,” Steve told him, and Bucky kissed him again.

“Hey, good morning.”

“Hey. So how do you feel about last night?” Steve asked, a hint of nerves in his tone.

Bucky smiled, cupping Steve’s face in his palm. “I feel pretty fucking good about it. You?”

“Yeah, me too.” 

Bucky looked at his phone and groaned. “Ugh, we’d better get up if we’re going to be on time for our flight.”

“It’s a private plane,” Steve murmured, pulling Bucky in for another kiss. “It’ll wait.”

***

By the time they finally surfaced, they’d missed breakfast. “We can maybe go somewhere to eat when we get back to New York? If you want to,” Steve suggested, and Bucky nodded.

“Sounds good to me.”

As they left the hotel, Pepper ran out behind them. “Guys, come quick! They’ve found something in one of the rooms!”

Bucky and Steve looked at each other and ran behind Pepper to one of the hotel’s conference rooms, in time to hear Alex say, “...Agent Bucky Barnes of the FBI!”

Bucky’s eyes widened and he turned to escape, but Pepper strong armed him to the front of the room. Alex hugged him, whispering, “Thank you,” in his ear, and Bucky blushed. “So apparently our Dayton has a secret identity, but to us he’ll always be Dayton White, the coolest guy at the pageant, and this year’s Mr Sweetness!”

The whole room applauded—even Blake, who was standing at the front, a plaster over his nose and a black eye. Bucky winced slightly, but took to the podium at Alex’s insistence. “Um, wow, what an honor,” Bucky said, overwhelmed. “I’m, um. So flattered. And moved. And truly… touched.” He felt his eyes fill with tears. “I love all you guys so much. And I really do want world peace!”

The room applauded, and Alex placed a sash over his shoulder and handed him a glass trophy with his name inscribed. He looked down the room, catching Steve’s eye, and smiled through the happy tears. 

Maybe there was something in this pageant thing after all.


End file.
